Life as we know it

Over the last year I’ve dealt with basically anything you can think of. I lost my older brother exactly 1 year ago today. It’s been a very weird and fast but long year. I also lost one of my greatest best friends. Someone I spent almost everyday with. I didn’t lose him to death, the complete opposite actually. I lost him to life. And heck if I’m being straight up. I even lost my grandpa recently. It’s been honestly a shitty year. And I have been battling the last 3 months with configuring the differences and similarities to both losses I’ve had. I tell myself that losing my best friend, my lover, has been worse then losing a brother. But that seems selfish and rude of me. But it’s true. I lost my brother to death. So I know exactly where he is. And I know exactly that one day I’ll see him and be with him. But as to losing someone to life, I have no idea what the outcome is. Will I ever see him again? See him as lover? Will it be okay in the end? Everything I’ve thought with losing my older brother I think with losing my lover. The difference is I’ve made amends to the loss of Kyle. I know he is in heaven with God. I feel his love within me everyday. I know he is looking out for me. I know it’ll be okay because I have that faith and belief. I mean it still hurts everyday without him. But at least there is comfort.

I have not on the other hand, made amends to the loss of a lover. I am torn apart every single day. My heart has been broken and a part of me left when he did. A part of me will always love him and I believe that 100%

Maybe it makes me a bad person, that I feel more pain with losing the love of my life then losing my brother to death. Does it make me awful? I don’t love Kyle any less. In fact I love Kyle with all of me. I love him as my brother, as my friend, as a second dad. It’s a different love. 

I’m not sure what happy inspirational outcome this little rant has. Because I don’t really know how I feel today or have felt recently. I’m very sad inside and I’m trying my best to pick myself up. To get up every day and just live. I’m trying to eat at least 2 meals a day. I’m trying to get back into yoga. I’m trying to make myself okay. To make myself better. I’ve made decisions recently that frustrate me. That upset me. I’m trying to accept the fact that i can’t do anything about it. 

My head is a mess and my heart is in pieces. But the only thing I can do is try. Just try to keep living. And maybe just maybe one day it’ll be okay. Maybe one day I’ll get to be with my lover again. The hope I do have, is I know for sure I’ll be with Kyle again. And maybe for now, that is enough. 

The Triad of Health- All Three Core Energies

I would like to go over some key points with today's blog. Explain my goals in blogging and what specific vibes and general ideas I want to share. My theories generate with Health and Fitness. Ranging from spiritual health, to physical health to chemical health. Even between the topics of health and  beauty.

Today I want to cover whats known as the Triad of Health. In other words, the "key" to your health. This is a theory developed by a man named Dr. Howard. He is also the creator of the company "Balance of Nature" I will admit, I work within this company and we study this theory within our personal selves and with each customer. The Triad of Health contains the three most organically important energies our lives contain of. None of these is above another one. Hence it's called a triad.  Each one is just as important as the other one. Balancing each other out. 

Physical health, Spiritual health, and Chemical health. Each one contains specific jobs and individuality. But they cohabit together building one another to the ultimate goal. 

Lets look into. When you study yourself and build love and trust and affinity within yourself, you are practicing Spiritual health. You feel confident within yourself and you feel happy. This makes you spiritually aware. Which can help you preform better physically. Motivating you to workout or run, or practice yoga. Which is your physical health. Leading into the motivation to eat better. Grounding yourself into nutrition. "You are what you eat." Is a very relevant saying. Ever eaten a bunch of sugar, then the next day finding pimples all over? Yeah now you know. This is chemical health. When you eat organically, you feed your body and soul with nutrition and love. Which makes you feel better. Therefore reaching back into Spiritual health. 

See how these energies build into each other and cycle through one to another? It's the natural cycle of life. Each of these three energies help build you into your true self. 

Triad of Health- Physical Health

"Physical Health is critical for overall well-being and is the most visible of the various dimensions of health... Some of the most obvious and serious signs that we are unhealthy appear physically." I cannot stress enough about this! It makes complete sense. If you workout everyday and dedicate yourself to staying fit, you most likely have  nice fit tone body. If you sit all day and have no source of activity then you most likely have some baby fat everywhere. It's logic!

There is hundreds of thousands of ways to keep up with your physical health.
There is also many benefits to it as well.  Being physical can help improve your mood. Why does it? Because it makes you feel good, releases bad energies from your system, pushing out all bad mantras. It is said once you keep physical activity a part of your daily activities, you tend to feel greater.  Maintaining physical  health may result in a happier life. It also keeps you from doctor visits.

A physical lifestyle may also increase self love, self image and confidence. When you feel good and practice being fit, you look good too. Which helps boost the confidence in yourself.
Staying fit may be hard for some. Just have confidence in yourself to pursue it. Try to find and build motivation. It will really change your life.

The Triad of Health- Spiritual Health

Everything that trains through your mind and soul is your mental / spiritual health. Reconnecting within your divine beauty through mental thoughts and practices. Your spiritual health helps you build confidence, love, self-estem, affinity, passion, serenity, and much more within yourself. Every being is a source of energy, light, guidance in your life. Helping you learn and grow, building your metal life. Practicing religion is a form of spirituality. Exploring the mind and universe. Figuring out rather God is real or not, or how we became on this planet. Each a source of spirituality.

There are may ways to practice your spirituality. Like, practicing your religion. Finding the guidance in life through your beliefs. Personally, this is how I find a lot of my guidance and light. My spiritual sac-rial beliefs are centered within religion. It drives me, guides me and is generating my life. 

Deep meditation or yoga can be sources of this practice. Letting yourself fall into the mind of sensuality and guidance through the movement of your body and mind.  Letting your mind free from all outside thoughts. Deepening your breaths into sic with the movements of your body. Finding the flow within the earth. Grounding your root (Muladhara) chakra into the roots of the earth. Guiding all the way up each chakra until you end at the crown (Sahasrara) With your hands placed together and your thumbs placed on your third eye. Really letting your mind flow and your heart open up the the sky. 

Spiritual practice can be found by nature. Surrounding yourself within Mother Earths divine beauty. Letting our mother speak to us with deeper connections. Organically flowing through the peace and beauty. Letting go of our trials, baggage and dis-pare. Letting Mother Earth shed our troubles away if you let her. Finding the organic connections between you and this universe. Learning how to understand that you are a star in this orgasmic movement within the universe. Each part of you was made by the God of the stars.

"Having compassion, the capacity for love and forgiveness, altruism, joy, fulfillment help you enjoy your spiritual health. Your religious faith, values, beliefs, principles, and morals define your spirituality." 

Find who you are through your spiritual mantra. Discover yourself, learn what you love Where you came, what you came here for. Ground yourself within the roots of the earth. Practice meditation or surround yourself in Mother Earths Beauty. Find what guides you, teaches you and heals you.  

Namaste

The Triad of Health- Chemical Health

This topic can be tricky. Chemical health is described in more than one way. You can look at it as all the chemicals that are polluted into the world. The chemicals you take in within your food. The chemicals that take over your very life. Chemicals can also be looked as as in what you eat. The chemicals that make up every particle of food you partake. You can choose what you believe it to be.
Personally, I think they go hand in hand. The chemicals that are polluted into our air can effect your emotions and physical being.

But today I want to focus on the main part of your chemical health. What you eat is  the main part of your chemical health. Everything you consume becomes a part of you. It makes up each cell, particle, and living organism inside you. If you really think about it, it seems kind of scary. For instance if you eat too much sugar, you can get candida. It's because your body is a factory. It works every single day to provide energy and life for you to live. Food is the fuel that drives us.

Look at it this way. Compare yourself to a swimming pool. A pool needs certain chemicals to keep a balanced PH level. If you put too much of a particular chemical in it, the pool will react in a certain way. That is exactly how your body works. If you lack magnesium you might have constant headaches and chocolate cravings. If you crave certain foods like bread or pasta, you might be lacking chromium. Your body is genius. It gives you warnings without you even recognizing it. Try to learn your bodies wants. Be aware of your cravings. Look deeper into the roots of your body. When your body is feeling a certain way or craving something, look into it. Discover what is beneath the surface.

Fueling your body with correct nutrition improves your health in every way. Clearing your mind of brain fog, easing your muscles to not be lethargic. You have greater endurance to achieve your activities throughout the day. Correct nutrition also improves appearance. It can help clear your skin, lengthen your hair, reduce cellulite, and many other benefits. Mother Nature provides food for us, it is the food we are meant to take in and feed upon. Try to find that balance in your nutrition. If you don't already eat healthy, try to. Take initiative, take control. YOU are the only person on charge of your health. The greater you take care of yourself, the greater you'll become. Personally I believe that to be true.
Listen to your body. Focus on that chemical side of you. It'll create a better you.

You Can’t Rush Your Healing // How I am dealing with the loss of my brother.

Healing takes time.

The other night I️ felt so lost and hopeless. I was very negative about  myself all day. I didn’t give myself any room to love. As night approached I️ lay in my bed in the darkness. The song “You Can’t Rush Your Healing” started to play. In that moment I️ started to bawl. I felt myself wander in the dark as I️ let myself cry. I️ was very vulnerable. But as I️ felt lost, sad, and scared I️ let the music take me away. I️ had thoughts of, Who am I️? What am I️ doing? Where will I️ go? I️ let the darkness take me for a second, let myself feel. Feel utterly raw. I️ let the music sing inside my soul. Feel the tone of the space that filled my room. “Confusion clouds the heart, but it also points the way.” Where was my heart in this moment? Where is my heart pointing to? What is my next step in life? I️ lay there, with tears in my eyes I️ fell asleep. 

I️ woke up the next morning and listened to a podcast by two beautiful souls. (@alliemichellel @raquellemantra)They had Trevor Hall as a guest, and spoke with him about his journey. They talked about being vulnerable and raw. To let yourself open up and fill yourself with love and the earth. To follow your heart, wherever it desires to go. Trevor mentioned that we all have a journey. We don’t really have a say in where we go because we are meant to take a certain road. It helped clear my confusion. I️ felt at peace with how I️ felt the night before. I️ felt as if my heart opened up and let me feel all the good vibes that this podcast spoke of. At the end Trevor sang a song. From his new album "The Fruitful Darkness". The song is called "Moon and Sun". One part hit me. “I️ won’t give up on you” I️ felt love rush through my body as I️ told myself 

“I️ won’t give up on you” मैं तुम्हें छोड़ नहीं दूँगा

 Because it is in the darkness that teaches us. It’s okay to be vulnerable to yourself. Let yourself know the darkness so you can become raw, and start to rebuild yourself from that new source. We are all on a journey, weather the journey is in our Saturn return, or in the darkness or in the light part of your life. We need to remember that our hearts will guide the way if we just listen. We listen best when we are vulnerable. Always remember “You can’t rush your healing, Darkness has its teaching” time will tell. 

I wrote this months ago. As I was struggling with my personal self. Little did I know that it would apply to me in this very moment. As I lay here in bed, on this very sleepless night. I came across a video of my dear brother Kyle. I heard his voice, and it hit me. I remembered that the memories I have with him are the only thing I have left. I can no longer make new memories with him. I miss him so much. The pain that fills within my heart is overbearing, confusing almost. Not knowing that someone could experience such sorrow. But as I lay here crying, sobbing really. I wrote a letter to him. Telling him how much I loved him. How much fun I had when I sat in the school parking lot with my hood up waiting for him to drive up on his motorcycle to save the day really. 

I remembered that I had written about time and healing. So I played the song and  let myself feel raw, like I talked about before. I felt myself calm. Listening to my heart and where it is guiding me. I have to remind myself that I am supposed to keep living my life. Keep living everyday like I would want to live it. To reach my goals, dreams and desires. My heart was there. My heart is guiding me towards life itself. I should not feel ashamed to want to keep living, even if my brother doesn’t get that chance any more. 

Time really is a beautiful gift. That over time, the pain and suffering we have over something will start to heal. Though it’s only been a month and a half since my brothers passing. I have to remind myself of this every time I have a break down. I always let myself feel the sadness. I let myself miss him. I feel the darkness for a second. But only for a little. Eventually you have to stop crying, and pull your head up high. Or you’ll fall down further and further into the darkness. It’s exactly like the Yin and Yang. It’s the balance of dark and light. Nature has a balance, we can’t forget that or we will lose hope, and lose ourselves within it. 

To make a little more sense of this all. My older brother at the age of 24 passed away peacefully, and very very unexpectedly a week just before Christmas. Leaving behind his beautiful wife and two wonderful baby boys under the age of 3. What a wreck this last month has been. Do you ever look back at your past and think. “Things are so different now”. That's been my thought lately. Almost wishing it was those old days again so we can go on little dates after fixing up cars. The weekend after his passing, the whole family stayed at home. In our tiny little rental home. We were very blessed with the kind hearted neighbors and friends to bring us food and love. But in that weekend, food was the least important to almost all of us. Considering how concerned I am about my health, I didn’t seem to care at all. I didn’t eat or drink for days. The only importance was the fact that my brother has a beautiful funeral. 

His wife had asked me to paint a picture of him for his funeral. Which was 3 days away. But in my respect towards my brother, I painted him. 

Everyday I think of him. Of his kind hearted spirit. His loving example of a sibling he was for all of us. My brother was wonderful and very selfless. I love and miss him very very dearly. 

(Families Together Forever)

If there is one thing you should remember everyday. It should be that “You Can’t Rush Your Healing” “Darkness has it’s teaching.”

Try to enjoy whatever life gives you, because you can’t change the inevitable. I love you all. Peace:)

Getting to know me!

Hey homies, WELCOME to my blog.

I've decided that my bloggers should get to know me a little before we continue on yeahh??

Okay well, I am 18 and a half, just about to graduate high school, and I have a pretty good lookin boyfriend that I totally have the hots for;)))

(wow he's a babe I know)

I grew up in a small town called Leeds.

Just passed Hurricane UT. I have two brothers and four sisters.

My older brother Kyle being the eldest (obviously), a set of twins Emily and Amy. Ashlee

(my favorite sister, she also has a blog wearyourdadsclothes.blogspot.com/ )

I'm the fifth in line, then Katie and Ben being the youngest. My parents Dusty and Shane. (They are divorced also soo ya.)

 This is my family (Kyle's wife and kids included too;)

I can't forget about my boyfriends family. I love them just as much too:)

(Erika and Tawni)

I am quite the health freak. I value my health inside and out most importantly.
I love tea, yoga and Puppers!!
I am also very sarcastic, I love humor and Puns (especially about Star Wars.)
I am pretty artistic and have a more creative side. I wear really weird clothes and photo shop is my homie.
Here are some of my prints.

ya these are creepy and weird I know.

Might as well show some photo shops while i'm at it.

Last but not least, I LOVE DisneyLand.
Thank you for reading about my life lol.
Peace